You can't control what the day has in store for you or what life throws at you. You can control your morning routine and starting your day off on the right foot.
Optimism can be hard for those of us that are naturally pessimistic or even "realistic". I put quotes around realistic, because that is what pessimistic people tell themselves to feel like they are so negative. It is actually ignoring what optimism is for people to call themselves realists. Optimism is not about ignoring the bad things going on. It isn't about not helping yourself when things go bad or just hoping that magically things will change. Optimism is taking what life is, and trying to figure out what is good within that situation. Optimists still look to better their situations. They can find good things in bad situations and then look for even better things in other situations and how to get to them. Optimists are more happy while making changes, they practice gratitude regularly.
Pessimists on the other hand, only see that they are on their back and can't get up or walk. They lament that they will die soon and not notice the beautiful view they are given. They may be too focused on the negatives to notice the refreshing breeze that if you moved just right, might help you flip back over.
If you are reading this going, but Lauren, I'm a realist. What do you truly mean by that? Optimists aren't ignoring the fact that they are stuck on their back. They are ignoring the fact that if they don't flip over bad things will happen. But they are enjoying the journey. Think about the optimistic people in your life, or that you know of. Their lives weren't amazing with no problems, but they recognized the beauty and learning opportunities during the difficult times.
As a reformed pessimist, I know the difficulties in finding the positives within negative events. I modeled the optimistic people in my life, and when I slip back into old patterns, I recognize my gratitude towards those optimistic people and work towards seeing the opportunity in a bad situation (even if that is just getting away from it and learning the dangers of that situation).
Trauma is not just something we experience but also things are parents and grandparents experienced. Trauma gets passed down through generations. When the generations before us don't heal from their experiences, we are left with the consequences. This includes guilt, shame, the need to help others, the inability to help ourselves, poor boundaries, and broken relationships. You aren't responsible for fixing the past, you are responsible for fixing the present and to help future generations not start from a fundamentally broken place.
Breaking these traumas, curses or patterns (however you label them) is a difficult task. You are strong, you are powerful, and you are brave. Most days will be difficult, but they will get easier, and at the other end is a beautiful shining sun and endless possibilities not just for you, but for the next generation. You are a superhero.
Your inner voice is not always your friend. When you are depressed or anxiety your inner voice may be your worst enemy. Cognitive Distortions get in the way of our rational mind and positive thinking. One mistake does not make us a loser or terrible. We make mistakes all the time. Rarely is one mistake world ending. Remind yourself that no one is perfect and if someone was perfect they would probably be obnoxious.
Many times we find ourselves choosing to self destruct when things start going well. This happens for many different reasons.
We can unlearn old patterns. Have patience and compassion for yourself.
Today will not be a full day if it is already occupied by yesterday. The power of journalling at night before bed is many fold:
1. You process the days events.
2. You can get out emotions and it holds no judgements about what you write.
3. It is a part of a healthy sleep routine.
4. You can look back with compassion and see how far you have come.
If you find yourself apologizing throughout the day, you may need to focus on self-care. Over apologizing is a symptom of trauma.
1. Do something to center/ground yourself.
2. Remind yourself of your strengths.
3. Ask your self what you are apologizing for.
Never have I believed this more than now. I have spent even fewer than 6 months (and still have more work to do) to reach the goal I had for 5 years from now. The goal of opening a private practice and have more time to focus on family and enjoy life.
The global pandemic we are all living in has pushed up that goal and reminded me that flexibility is very important in keeping you mental health in check. By flexibility I don't mean touching your toes either, though that is good for your health, I mean letting go of what you thought was and moving forward with what is. We can't get stuck in what should have been or what could have been. Life hands us different situations that we have to deal with whether they fit into our vision of our lives or not.
I have also learned that when you truly desire (and need) something to work, you can find the motivation and drive to make it happen. At many points in my life I have struggled with motivation and drive. Positive self-talk and no back up plan really help to motivate you to achieve things.
If you are struggling with motivation or even finding goals, you can reach out to a therapist to help find that motivation or goals.